For nearly a decade, fans of Jamie Laing and Spencer Matthews wondered what tore apart one of British reality TV’s most visible friendships. The answer, finally revealed in September 2025 after two raw, emotional conversations in London, wasn’t about jealousy, money, or drama — it was silence. The pair, who rose to fame together on Made In Chelsea from 2011 to 2016, opened up about the hidden toll of unspoken pain, anxiety, and grief that slowly eroded their bond — and how they’re rebuilding it now.
The Silence That Broke Them
The rift didn’t explode. It withered. Over five years, texts went unanswered. Invitations went unacknowledged. Laing’s 2018 London wedding? Matthews didn’t show. His brutal 50-mile ultramarathon in 2019? No one from his inner circle waited at the finish line — not even Matthews. At the time, Laing assumed it was personal rejection. In truth, he was drowning. "I suffered with crippling anxiety in my 20s," Laing told UNTAPPED in a YouTube interview released September 24, 2025. "And I never spoke about it. Not to you. Not to anyone. I just kept running — literally and figuratively — because talking felt like failing." He didn’t train properly for the ultramarathon. He ran through pain, exhaustion, and panic attacks that left him nauseous and trembling. "I was only thinking about getting up the next day and being able to run," he admitted. "I thought if I kept moving, I could outrun the noise in my head. But I didn’t realize I’d already left everyone behind."Why the Wedding Didn’t Happen
The wedding absence became the symbol of their fracture. But the truth was messier. Laing had been spiraling. He was emotionally unavailable. He canceled plans. He canceled calls. Matthews, meanwhile, was grappling with his own demons — the lingering grief of losing his brother as a child, and a growing dependence on alcohol that he’d never addressed. "I didn’t know how to show up," Matthews said on Laing’s podcast, The Great Company. "I saw him pulling away. I thought… maybe he didn’t want me there. So I didn’t go. And then I didn’t ask why. That’s on me." Their communication had become a series of assumptions. Laing assumed Matthews was angry. Matthews assumed Laing didn’t care. Neither knew the other was fighting invisible battles.The Turning Point: A Text That Changed Everything
The catalyst came in early 2025. Matthews, sober for 18 months after intensive therapy, reached out with a simple message: "I miss you. Can we talk?" No agenda. No pressure. Just honesty. That text led to two face-to-face meetings in London — one at a quiet café in Notting Hill, the other at Laing’s home, where they sat for over six hours, talking past midnight. "It wasn’t about blaming," Laing said. "It was about naming the ghosts. My anxiety. His grief. My silence. His withdrawal. We’d both been waiting for the other to fix it. But no one was coming to save us. We had to do it together."
What Happened Behind the Scenes
The reconciliation wasn’t just emotional — it was logistical. Laing mentioned a moment where his then-partner, Katie, intervened after he tried to force Matthews into a group therapy session he wasn’t ready for. "Katie was like, ‘That’s pretty inappropriate, so we won’t be doing that,’” Laing recalled. "I was like, ‘But it’s a really good idea.’" It was a turning point: he realized forcing connection wouldn’t heal it. Patience would. Matthews, now a director at Matthews Construction — the family business founded by his grandfather — has become an advocate for male mental health. "I used to think strength meant not talking," he said. "Now I know it means showing up, even when you’re scared." Laing, who founded the confectionery brand Candy Kittens in 2013 and now hosts his podcast, says their reconciliation has reshaped his approach to life. "I used to measure success by how many people showed up. Now I measure it by who stayed."Why This Matters Beyond Reality TV
Their story resonates because it’s not unique. A 2024 UK mental health survey found that 68% of men aged 30–40 have experienced a friendship breakdown they never fully addressed. Most cited "fear of vulnerability" as the primary barrier. Laing and Matthews didn’t just mend a friendship — they modeled how men can break the cycle of silence. Their journey also highlights how reality TV, often dismissed as superficial, can mask profound human struggles. Made In Chelsea portrayed them as effortlessly glamorous. The truth? They were both surviving.
What’s Next?
They’re planning a joint documentary, tentatively titled Still Here, to document their reconciliation — not as a triumph, but as a work in progress. "We’re not fixed," Laing insists. "We’re learning. And that’s enough." Matthews has started speaking at men’s mental health groups in Manchester and Leeds. Laing is launching a podcast series on male friendship, featuring other men who’ve rebuilt broken bonds. Their message is simple: friendships aren’t meant to be perfect. They’re meant to be repaired.Frequently Asked Questions
What caused the initial breakdown between Jamie Laing and Spencer Matthews?
The breakdown stemmed from unspoken mental health struggles — Laing’s undiagnosed anxiety and panic attacks during his 20s, and Matthews’ unresolved grief and alcohol dependence. Miscommunications around key events like Laing’s wedding and ultramarathon were symptoms, not causes. Both assumed the other had withdrawn intentionally, when in reality, they were both too overwhelmed to reach out.
How did they finally reconcile?
Spencer Matthews initiated the reconciliation in early 2025 with a simple text: "I miss you. Can we talk?" This led to two extended, face-to-face conversations in London in September 2025, where both men openly discussed their mental health, grief, and emotional withdrawal. They stopped blaming and started naming their pain — a shift that allowed genuine healing to begin.
Are Jamie Laing and Spencer Matthews back to how they were before?
No — and that’s intentional. They’re not trying to return to the past. Instead, they’re building a new version of their friendship grounded in honesty, patience, and accountability. Laing says they now check in weekly, and Matthews has committed to attending therapy regularly. Their bond is deeper, but it’s also more fragile — and that’s okay.
What role did Made In Chelsea play in their friendship?
Made In Chelsea gave them public visibility but also created unrealistic expectations. Viewers saw their friendship as constant and glamorous, masking the private struggles they were hiding. The show’s pressure to perform happiness may have made it harder for them to admit when things were falling apart — until they finally chose truth over image.
How has Spencer Matthews’ family business influenced his emotional journey?
Leading Matthews Construction gave Matthews structure and responsibility, but also amplified his isolation. The expectation to be the "heir," the "successful one," made it harder to admit vulnerability. His recovery began when he separated his identity from the company — realizing his worth wasn’t tied to legacy, but to connection.
What’s the biggest lesson from their reconciliation?
The biggest lesson? Friendship doesn’t die from big fights — it dies from small silences. Laing and Matthews didn’t need grand gestures. They needed to say: "I’m not okay," and mean it. And for the other to reply: "I’m here. Even if I don’t know how to fix it."